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CHRIS AND ANN BURKE HAD ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE with their kids, so it came as a shock when their daughter Lindsay began to act strangely. She seemed obsessed with pleasing her new boyfriend, a 29-year-old father of one: Once she instant-messaged with friends, now she instant-messaged only with him. Once she’d been cheerful and open, now she treated her parents like enemies.
Schoolteachers both, Chris and Ann considered themselves well-informed. Yet if they were at a loss, so was everyone they consulted, from colleagues to psychologists. They learned finally of the signs of a controlling relationship—but then were told by a social worker at a women’s shelter that there was nothing they could do. It was all up to Lindsay.
Despite the lack of information, family and friends kept telling Lindsay of their support. Finally it seemed to pay off. She left her boyfriend for the third time—the average for abused women is seven times—to stay with her brother. Two weeks later, on Sept. 14, 2005, she went to retrieve her belongings from her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, and he murdered her. She was only 23, and the loss was beyond words. “We have a son, and we love him dearly,” says Chris. “But it’s like half of your heart has been ripped out of your chest, and you know it’s never going to return.”
The Burkes dug further. They learned that dating abuse among young people is not only epidemic, but practically a secret, thanks to the concealed nature of the crime and victims’ fears of speaking openly. Chris and Ann realized that only they were free to break the silence and get the word out to parents, teens, educators, and the public. They won the support of Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick C. Lynch in establishing mandatory dating abuse education for school staff and students, via the Lindsay Ann Burke Act of 2007. They established a memorial fund to support workshops for teachers, staff, and parents, and to provide guidance via the fund’s web site—including the vital need for a safety plan before exiting a relationship. And they took their message beyond state borders, helping the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention develop a model curriculum on dating violence, and speaking at a national convention of state attorneys general.
“There are people out there going through this situation blindly, as we did,” Ann says. “We’re going to do whatever it takes to get them this information. It can help—I know it can.”
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